At 40 and DIVORCED

 Looking out of the window made me realised ,

I was locked up in the jail where only  alive bodies  reside .

Even the sleep was not meant for me. Open eyes playing hide and seek with dark nights .

The home for two where only a bed ,just the daily same routine of me lying naked with him left, he was there with no warmth  .

We ate together but only i was talking and  when silence broke it echoed like it is  screaming in my head .

We were more like ones who shares the bed not the ones with whome i dreamt of spending my life ahead . In short we became sex partners from life partner , where he did payed me the service charges in name of his  salary well...

The cycle was long ,then i decided it to end ,at 40 and DIVORCED was the new tag the society labelled me as .

Even the break up doesn't felt that filmy to me , i got busy and a bit messy .

No long nights with friends ,eyes swollen and no regrets were there ,i did not drown myself with drinks straight for days , no sad songs  and no dramatic calls to my  ex . I just sold my wedding dress, to get those  damm bucks back .

Those judging remarks from society felt pleasing to me , the crowd where I once felt lost with his arm around my waist was more friendlier then anyone .

The words i was dying to listen from him ,did came out his mouth but that too much late . I thought of this day  many times that how will I react will i be crying or telling him to repent . When the time actually came i did not felt anything as if  those were some random words said out of convenience.

I waited for him to bloom my garden with happiness,now I plant my own . 

I am divorced at 40 and planning for my life ahead.

*******************************************

Jennifer Weiner~

Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. 

Nobody ever died of divorce.

*******************************************

 

~divine ✨