Deflowered (part-01)

 [02-april-2017,

Knock knock ,

Anyone here ? hello myself Ayisha ,what's up guys ?😁😁 So today is my first day at school I mean  it's my new school , freaking excited 😉😉😎😎, oops! forgot to tell you am in 12 standard yea yea Mera last year h or school change don't ask me the reason kyu Kiya bas kr liya . Idk wether I will be able to adjust or not ,man! who cares let it be for now ,me gotta enjoy to the fullest aakhir apni koi repo vagera bhi banani h Yaar school mey . Gtg😁😁

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Yoi ,m back Huh!!! my first day was tiring miss Pushpa my maths teacher she irritates the hell out of me bas Baar Baar mujhse SE hi har question Pooche jaari thi hadd h ,hn ni toh or haaye hamare Eng k sir he is so handsome 😗😗 whatever don't misunderstand okay ,baaki classmates are awesome, friendly h or baaki , Harsh ,a guy in my class he is so nerd types kya hi bataun ,everytime playing with phone in the class  , always surrounded by girls and thoda body builder types ,we don't vibe not even a least bit totally opposite . Raviz and Christ they both are nice girls I mean we share a great bond ig😶 ,just like we were meant to be friends ,destined bosom friends . 

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 A whole month passed ,now gotten  used to my new school ,made friends , everything seems normal . Ab toh summer vacations aari h.😌😌.

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After 1 whole year ...

Hii guys meet my sweety Anu my child my baby Anirudh,he is only a  month year old . He is surprisingly cute and too small . Have to carry him very carefully   he is so soft and fragile ki if i hold him thoda sa tight   he might break one or few of his limbs 😆😆how cute .

You all guys must be surprised ki Mai kya bol rhi hu voh bhi poore 1 Saal baad ,don't think m mad I really got a child . This whole year was  hell for me I suffered ,I tried to run away ,I cried , got panic attacks ,depression  and many things . You all must be curious ki why ?? Why?? And why ?? 

M going to share my painful past now here with you all ,

it was june my summer break was going on I was happy doing my holiday homework ,parties with friends and all that was quite a fun time for me but one day ,on 18 June my life changed , Jo hua ,that was the turning point . It was 6 pm In the park , was jogging or at 7 on my way back home  ... got kidnapped ...mujhe nhi pata tha ki where I was what's going on with me I was drugged at that time and there was a man ...bruttaly assaulted me I wasn't even in my senses to ask out for help  , my whole body was numb ,lying there helplessly . After whole night passed ,I managed escape somehow, only ik ki how I managed to do so at that time,that was totally horrible for me .

When I came back at my home in a total messed up state , parents questioned kya hua ,what happened ,bolo Kuch ,but aisa tha ki aavaaz hi ni Nikal rhi thi everything was blank ,not able to understand what they were saying wasn't able to accept ki Jo hua voh real tha  ,after a whole half an hour  I blurted out everything that took me a lot of courage , my family was not able to digest this fact ,I lost control over my conciousness felt dizzy and dheere dheere Andhera SA hone laga and suddenly total black out ,my parents launched the complaint I was admitted to the nearby hospital . 2 weeks passed i was still in the coma then ,mujhe Sab sunaayi dera tha I was able to hear my parents cry ,begging me to woke up but Mai toh uthna hi ni chahti thi bas bhula dena chahti thi Jo hua , after sometime I decided to face the reality and then my body started showing response Sab mujhme improvement dekhkar Khush the but dukhi bhi the mere future k baaremey sochke yeh sochke k unki beti k Saath yeh kya ho gya . 

Month passed away ,started feeling better Sab Kuch normal hone laga tha Mai voh sab bhulaane lagi thi  ,thanks to Dr. Pallavi my counsellor she encouraged me motivated me helped me a lot during the hardest stage of my life .

School got started ,everything get back to normal on surface for me ,firbhi ek darr Beth gya tha Mann mey , parents took extra care of me mujhe Akela na chodna akele na jaane dena everything. Only Raviz and Christ knows ki kya hua tha merese and few teachers that's it ,it was fine for me . 

Then suddenly I got Dizzy and fell from the chair ,at first nothing happened then after that I got Nauseous ,  vomiting and started feeling weak. Parents took me  to clinic and pata Chala I was 1month 4weeks pregnant. Another huge blow on me .

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Huh... lost my state of mind at first don't want to accept locked up myself in my room for days ,counselling ,  depression anxiety or got myself so stressed thinking about the thing inside my body . Yeh baat accept krne mey mujhe aadha mahina lagg gya . I was in the rehab centre at that time. So after 2 months my parents and I approved for the abortion went to gaynecologist but got another hit ki due to my weak body I won't be able to conceive next time  if we abort now . I believed ki my body sucks for sure .why is it all happening to me only why ? Questioned myself doubted myself and blamed the divinity at then end .

Maine bht socha iss baaremey ki Jo Mai KR rhi hu voh fair Hoga Uske liye who isn't even born yet , do I really need to kill this child . After that I made up my mind and decided to keep the child ,hn my parents were against my decision got myself in fight with them but ladkar datkar Sab Kuch krke they finally agreed they don't have the option either .

Don't think ki Maine abort isliye nhi Kiya cuz there won't be any next time but shaayad due to my instinct . Hardest desicion ever sabne Kaha pagal ho gyi h, it's wrong your future will be destroyed ,bht Sunna padega ,akele itni choti Umar, how will you manage but I didn't care ,darr mujhe bhi lag Raha tha ki kya Hoga ,kaise Hoga ,Sahi Hoga ya nhi . Par I decided to face that I decided to keep the baby for the sake of his future I don't want to regret ki Maine kisise uski life mey aane Ka right hi le liya aakhir the child was totally innocent he was not at fault . 

Jo good news sabko life mey Naya feel Naya experience laati h that news made me confuse, wether I be happy or not ,do I have the right to do so what does maternal feeling feel like , I will be a mom so will I have those instincts ,that other mothers have . Butterflies in stomach want to be happy ,but at the same time thinking should I be or not these mixed feelings ufff.

It is said "EVERY CLOUD HAS SILVER LINNING " this line inspired me and I opened my arms to welcome my child  to live a new life , to start over again, to give another kick in my life . I was well aware with the fact ki  with baby responsibilities will be there ,I was already prepared for all that .

I still gave my boards exams ( open schooling ) got my certificate ,gave birth to my child , now m raising him and doing my college from open . That was a harsh descion still I don't regret . ]

THE END 

So guys how are you all hope you all are doing fine . Met after a long time . ☺️☺️

So don't get confused ki yeh kya tha ,

Yeh thi Ayisha ki kahani , short story basically. It's harsh terrible ,scary and quite pitful story, I won't say pitful I will say a very inspiring story . This took me a lot of courage as it's a very controversial topic people have different opinions so slightly scared . There are many parts with less explainations as I wasn't able to write them I felt sorry for that. Do forgive me for that  .

 I wasn't able to elaborate few emotions properly sorry for that also , don't mind plz😕😞. As some emotions needs a special touch hope ki to some extent there is that special feel. Hope you all liked the story and get to know about another perspective.

QUESTION TIME🤓🤓

I want to ask everyone if you were Ayisha aap sabka kya decision hota ? What would have been your choice ? Was her descion correct or not and why ? 

Now the platform is yours , share your thoughts or suggestions  in comment section.

Looking forward for the answers of the questions I asked . people have different point of view so i request don't feel offended by anything . Just share your views and I will make sure to add those of your comments in my next blog as I will be sharing my point of view also next time .

Hope to see you soon take care and think deeply or wisely. And make sure to get vaccination on time .

Gone

 Hello friends ,hope you all are fine and happy if not then can  you please  try to smile just for once .

I m going to discuss something very emotional or even a topic we all used to avoid even I myself ,but still I mustured up my courage today to express what I feel or what oh god it's hard to express even ... Ohk so it's about the end ,about life about death ...

Hope you all will neglect my small mistakes as emotions can make people think those things which doesn't even exist .

I still remember that day when heard the news that ,she is no more that night ,she was wrapped in all plain stainless white cloth we all were hoping for her to wake up but still that was just a hope for nothing ,the night was long I can't fell asleep I want to spend each and every second with her  . My eyes were searching for her movements ,ears logged for her speech and my Senses for her touch . There was a deadly silence at that time, nobody spoke tho it felt like we still can hear those words of silence . Not even an inch was visible of her body , not even a single strand of her white hairs . She was lying in front of us for hours but still we were not able to wake her up .  My heart was restless as I wasn't able to believe that she is gone untill when people spl the males of family prepared a wooden sage for her they kept her on that sage and started saying "raam naam Satya h" I still remember those words . They did haunt me for many nights and days . She was gone ,she was on a pathway which leads to another life ,another journey . I thought I was so useless ki I can't bring her back to life .( Dumb of me )

I cried for hours non stop ,why she was gone like that ?why? I questioned to god ,questioned to myself this is what we call fate what we call destiny . Nobody stopped me from crying nobody encourages it either .

Days passed I still missed her , after 2 months everything seems normal again as if she never existed in our life.  I was like is it okay to lead our life normal again ,she won't feel like we didn't missed her ,those days felt like I was a criminal who committed a unforgivable crime  . 

After 5-6 months everything goes back to what it was before , people got busy with their jobs , children with there online classes. Something was off i guess I told myself that it's been long since I heard her voice I started forgetting how her voice sounds like that was quite depressing for me but more like a sin . Her room was empty whenever I passed through that room I still wish to find her lying there on her bad . Her smell vanishes away ,I forgot her voice and started urging for her it ,for her face ,her touch ,her food many things .

Those useless hopes gave my thoughts wings and later on i realised that yes she is gone ,gone to a new journey she won't be back just shrug off these thoughts but kya Karu pagal Hu kahin na khain umeed Mari ni thi meri  then later on aakhir maan hi liya kab tak khudse jhuth Bolti.

It's been a year she is gone I m completely fine now , everything went back to normal I found a new way to remember her voice (vedios of course ) ab unhe Yaad krke aankho mey aasun toh Aate h par voh jhuthi umeed nhi .

Isn't it very strange ki yeh jaante hue bhi Jo gya h voh vaapis nhi aayega we still live in our own world build up jhuthi umeedein which hurts after some time . Person with whom we spent our most of the life when he or she is gone we get back to our life as if nothing happened  ,I guess this is what we call life .  Behate samudra ki Tarah chalti rehati h rukti nhi jitni bhi rukaavate Aaye apni gati banaye rakhti h.

People should accept these kind of facts on earlier basis so you won't get hurt by your  0 hopes later on ... 

We all have gone through this stage of life , very painful  for the relatives, for the family members ,friends etc . While we were mourning for them they choose to hit a  new beginning  . So we all should just wave our hands say goodbye and  let them go although we don't want to still we have to so that they have great after life .

   A thousands words won't bring you back

I know because I have tried 

   Neither will a thousands tears 

I know because I have cried 

By - Kily Dunbar

Beautiful words ... whenever you feel you don't want to believe thet fact then just recall  these words.😊😊

Hope you all can relate, can place yourself in my shoe  ,able to read it as it's your story and hope you find this blog connecting or good .

Plz share ,read and follow humble request from my side ...

Thank you!

ONLY FOR YOU

 Hello guys here we meet again ,after long time hn... So how are you all ,enjoy festive season or  hope you all are doing good these days .

This piece of work I m going to dedicate to you yes it is for you the one reading this, hope at some point you will be able to relate if not then I am really sorry in advance ,hope you will respect that😊😊😊.

I think you might be feeling wronged sometimes ,alone or even helpless  for whatever reason I don't know but would like to know if you want to share 😊😊we can share the burden of yours if  don't want to share with me then share with someone close to you , it will never harm you my dear .  Just don't interpret ki if you share then your feelings might became the burden on the person whom you shared your feelings with ,it's never too late Yaar Dil kholkar ko Dekho . Don't always think so insecure that you will eventually forget his or her real intention or end up hurting them.

 My fellow mate it's of no use if you are gonna keep that baggage full of your past on your shoulders ,you can't change anything can you ... No  it's all in your mind that's it. How will you focus on your present if your eyes are still finding flaws in your future and past ,let go MERI Jaan let it go there is no point in repenting no point .

Not every person beside you is bad just try to face your issues more rather than just running away.  It's okay if you don't know how to solve it, what to do next,where to go ?,whom to ask ?,whom to trust , and many more ,leave all these questions on time ,time is the best teacher . Let go each and those thoughts that makes you believe you are worst then yesterday ,let go all those questions jinke jaavab tum dhundh na paao , Let go all those problems jinke solutions mil na paaye . Always believe someone is always there praying for your success hoping that you will be fine don't disappoint them ,fight Yaar you can win in any situation .

Life is not a game it's just a time given by god to live to fullest , to achieve your happiness , it's not like ki bas bure log h good people are also there . 

Don't keep everything in your heart sweetheart let it all out from your heart ,as small as your fist ,Kitna sambhalega bichara reham kardo , just open up speak up about what you are facing no one will laugh no one will sympathise with you they will support you ,help you grow your foundation more stronger .

Just cry out , cry if you want but don't cry for the same reason again . Or in few case there is nobody to listen you ,believe you in that situation don't forget god is always there for you , just say whatever you want to ,to god he will listen to you silently and hn it's my own experience ki that feels much good so you can try guys hope the method will help you out .😁😁😁

YOU ARE THE KING 

YOU ARE THE SUFFERER

JUST DONT FORGET 

YOU ARE BORN TO SHINE 

NOT TO WEEP ON YOUR SINS ...

Thank you 

suggestions are most welcome and happy new year guys hope this year brings joy and ray of hope in your life ☺️☺️☺️😊😊😊.

Don't forget to comment and read .

Welcome winter

 Hello guys ,how are you all , hope you all are doing well .😇😇😇. I am really very sorry very very sorry guys  sorry to make you wait for my next blog. I do have my reasons so hope you all will respect that .

"Winter is a season of recovery and preparation." 

"Winter is not a season, it's a celebration."

We all know these phrases and we actually can relate to it to an extent .it's the season when we can recover ourselves and prepare ourselves for another tough battles . even when our hands got burnt cold water helps to heal them faster ,just like that this helps our inner soul to heal in peace .

(Being cold doesn't means you are heartless or a  blood robot no it's just your way to make yourself feel more warmer, there is nothing wrong. But  neglecting your own true feelings is wrong . Don't force yourself to be an iceman types when you know you can't ,you will only end up harmming yourself.Not every time it's not necessary to be cold to the one who cheated on you just pretend like strangers and move away , even the feeling of coldness  inside you will heal you but if that becomes an emotion that will shatter you into many pieces.)THODA EXTRA GYAAN.

People say winter is the season of chill vibes coldness and many more icey words ,but it's wrong for me this is the warmest season ever . Most cozy environment you can ever find is in winters only, wrap yourself around a blanket and you will feel the warmth in the air .

The season of elachi and adrak vaali chai is on . First sip is like Amrit and voh thandi thandi hava is like ab apsaraye naach RI h saamney .

Divaali SE lekar Christmas break till welcoming new year with the warmest hugs ,then how can you say it's cold in winter .Dadi ke banaye hue sweater ,voh rajaayi vaali garami ,handshake mey voh thodi Der or vaali feeling . Hot milk ya coffee with  a quilt  then tell me guys where is thandi vaali feeling .

Welcome winters ! Hope you will bring joy and prosperous life to all of us . A beautiful request from your lover (winter lover).

Few beautiful words-

*Albert Camus

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.

*Lewis Carroll

I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says, "go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.

Let's start calling winters the warmest months ever not the cold ones 😇😇

Bbyie guys hope to see you soon.

Love letter to winters

From- Me 😁😁

Treasure box

 Hii everyone, hope everyone is fine at their end . First I want to share a poem with you hope you all will like it if not then sorry I can't do anything about that ,Just kidding guys relax  . So here I am -

I grew up with many flaws 

They accepted me with immense hope

Don't know when I turned against them 

That was the biggest mistake I committed back then ,

I don't know why I behaved like that 

I don't know why they corrected me again and again ,

I was busy in earning money 

And they get the idea of 'don't want' anymore 

Silently they pave their way to death

For me to live happily sacrificed their every sec 

Dis is not what I want but happened and end worse then I expect,

I shouted at them but they didn't fought back 

That  was their sign' we can't suffer anymore '

They left and at last I was all alone

Thinking what a big fool I was ?

Destroyed my happiness with my own hands ...

 

The poem is bit tricky I know, ahhh sorry...  ,so lemme tell you this poem is actually about a parent and child relationship .

 I do want to add more but that will for sure full of mystery ,so I need to stop somewhere . My bad .  Huhhhh..

We all know in ancient times parents used to decide with whom their children are going to marry ,they decide what their future proffession will be  ,and many many decisions . By the time, now we have the liberty to do whatever we want to  . Wow !!dude means such a  drastic change ,now kind of feeling proud 😌😌 ... Hahahaha...leave it . But it's Very

Very ironic  that in past children don't have the liberty ,they follows Thier parents command not even dare to question their decision , now children have the liberty but still dare to disrespect Thier  parents.

Commendable means how we are accepting the change such a positive way ,talking to the elders disrespectfully , arguing with them hats off guys.

Children nowadays arguing with their parents ,why I can't go out with my friends?, They used to say ' it's my life i will do whatever I wish to , you don't need to interfere in my business ' I was like are you serious interfere is it a joke can't you all understand this Little thing that you don't have any existence without your parents .  Telling ,them to mind their own business then let me tell you it's your parents choice to let you come in this world so you must be thankful to them . Boys are like I don't care what my parents say I still will continue not to study ( fir aage jaake vahi krna h Chote note kaam bas) and girls are like I will leave my parents for you my sweetheart , means are you kidding what is happening with you all guys . Kaha jaa rahe ho , where . 

Sometimes I can understand ki yes you are out of control and just shouted at them but on daily basis cursing those hands who feeds you then I must say you don't deserve anything.

Literally no one, no one I am saying again, just  our generation,who is kicking out of their parents from their homes to old age homes . Can't you even take care of them what do you think what they want your money ( tumhaare liye kamaya), property ( Jo already tumhe Dedi) they just want some quality time with you that's it and you don't want to give that even .

 And at last when you are in any problem you are like mom dad please help me  and they still do . They are so humble to you na . 

Not everyone get what you have ,world's biggest treasures ,mom who will care for you ,cook for you and dad earn for you, sacrifice his own happiness for you .

In there whole lifetime they haven't even heard of I pod but still will brought one  you if you want .

Don't argue with them don't shout on them don't . They are not mad that they are nagging on you for no reason you must have did something wrong ,so just try to accept your mistake and live happily .

Coz when they will be gone you will regret for what you have done to them .save  them don't use them .

Now I won't lecture anymore or gonna write anymore on dis topic hope you all understand what I want to say .

As usual I want to write further sigh... But I can't Varna you will think such a bore I am .

 Special thanks to Aaqueeb who suggested me to write on this topic . Thank you very 

much .

Suggestions are most welcome as usual  . Thanks for reading this.