TOXIC ISHQ

Why we can't go in seperate ways ,

Why lock me up in this jail 

Am dying dyin dying everyday .

I'll run away leaving you behind 

Breaking our love oaths like some leaves on the road .

Make a way I'll run away 

Don't come for me 

You had me for enough of days ...

Never lets meet ,never talk again 

You'll remind me of the past where I lost myself again .

Don't come to me when you feel bad

They are still there...you'll see the wounds you have left 

You'll see the vulnerable me at loss  

I don't wanna make you feel sad

It doesn't hurt anymore but people can guess ...

The joy I felt was like the taste of coffee at best ,

Sweet at first and then bitter at actual taste .

Don't melt my heart by singing those melodies 

They are not jingles anymore , it bleeds as river down the throat 

Even when we started dating 

I asked you first to answer clearly ,

You told me you'll never ,you won't leave me ever behind , 

I asked you ,can you imagine the future with Mee...

I told ya only then let's go like today or let's never see each other again 

I told ya even it won't hurt your heart 

It will break mine as am the one giving my first time away...

You lied with a smile that ,made me believed in those words ,

You said let's be forever as single soul just like oxygen in air 

I'll be there keepin you alive you'll need me everytime.

I was young, i was a fool can say i was a bit tipsy too ...

I then said it all, if you can't see it anymore I'll be gone, as I am leaving today ...

 The way you touched me is still fresh in my mind ,

 The way you held me ,am still feeling tight , The whispers are still lingering in my head,

 The nights were long but ain't sufficient for us ...

 

The day brought us light when we were naked lying inside the bed linen 

The sun was scroching hot we were melting as one 

The play hide and seek was fun ,

Now it's all coming to an end ...

 No back hugs no french toast ,not even the sweetest goodbye with a kiss .

 No more come back text no more those not so controllable wait.

How miserable of me that i can't even bid my bies to him with the warmest hug and cadied smile ...

~DIVINE✨

My Dear Crush

 

"Mai tenu pyaar kitta si 

Tu ek vaar Mudd k vekh le 

Poori duniya tere khilaaf par mai tere kol khadi hn

Jhuthe kasma te vaade bht kitte hone ne 

Mere naal sachi preet lalee 

Mai tainu pyaar kitta si 

Bas meri leyi apne dil vich jagah banale."

On the special request of certain someone I am writing this, not gonna tell you who the person is, so don't bother asking me it won't work 😄. It's a letter so hope you'll read it like that only . A childish letter to MY DEAR CRUSH.

Hello my dear crush,how are you ,hope you have no girlfriend, if you have one then I hope you'll break up with your current girlfriend so ,I can be at that position, oops! just take it as joke am not serious just date whoever you want (i know dark magic I'll handle this on my own 😏) be happy .

Well well well now I will start writing what I wanna say , how I wish if you know that I exist ,how I wish if you know what my name is ,how I wish if you find me an amusing person ,how I wish if you can reply to my text messages (lol) and how I wish if you realise that am worth a person spending whole life with.

I have known you for a long time it's not like that I haven't tried many means just to approach you but ,whenever I feel I have taken a step ahead then again my delusion breaks and you seem far away . The butterflies I always feel when seeing you are something each one of us has felt when they see their someone special oh! private , "private crush." It's hard keeping it to myself anymore, I wanna tell the whole world that yes I like you ,liking you for a long time tho, I can't it's scary at the same time . The fear of rejection always holds me back , the thought that the person I like might not know that I exist will only make a fool out of me . 

I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for you to notice me, it's been ages now , this day just won't come . People already are ready for foreplay but we haven't even touched the hands lol is it too much to write ahhh ignore it . I still remember how I clicks shots of you secretly , noticing you everywhere without making it obvious but you idiot just won't see me . I have had enough of this one sided thing ,now i really wanna say it out loud that's why am writing it to you hope it will reach you and you'll understand how I feel .

I ,a person who doesn't care about koi bhi cheez, now is maintaining streaks with you so that you can look at them and notice ki wow she is interesting ,yet you didn't even bother looking at them ,why the heck you doing this to me yaar ? am telling you just go and see them . Just because of you I have to maintain those silly streaks have some shame and look at them and text me back okay .   

I know I might not be the prettiest person, nevertheless am fine for you . Peeping at you , finding chances just to stay close to you am done ,am so fed up now it's infuriating even so i ... I ... I... Can't stop lamao . I already have my fair share of fantasies with you in my imagination  so what if some of them are wilddddd ahhhhh let it be the letter will go in some other direction if I keep up with this feeling  . I already have thought of the places I wanna go with you, even the menu and dresses,they  are done even before you have said yes ,see you won't have any problem or some real brain wrecking thoughts about where ,when to go on a date ,am so damm smart uffffff ... It's tough to like you have to think of everything on my own .

It is silly and you might think of me as some pervert after reading all this just don't, don't please , I have done  all those childish things just for you, finding your Instagram Id taking months to add you, looking for some silly excuses to text you . Wanting to comment at your photo getting all weird thoughts ki what all others will think about that comment always stopping in the mid while typing . Liking your stories, thank God Instagram did the job well while updating it's functions however you just won't get the hint . It seems as if destiny is playing pranks on me . Waiting for your birthday or some festivals just to strike a conversation, asking for advices from these unreliable friends , trying to find that one comman friend who will act as  cupid's arrow for us , kya kya ni kiya  . Being all silly and shy in front of you . When the very first time I saw you i realised ki haaye mai dill nu rokk ni sakdi,ae gal mere bas di ni .

I do have my self respect and ego (lol) understand just because of this reason I always feel ,just walk out from this crush thing par dil toh ullu ka patha h maanta hi nhi , hoping for some miracle to happen again and again'n  again'n again sigh ...

Oh just for you I have written some lines i don't know how you'll see me but am definitely not some annoying person and I won't bother you like constant messages nope ,never . 

If the moon ain't shinning for you I will 

If the rain ain't making you Happy I will 

If the sun doesn't rise for you I will 

If you don't know where to go find me, I'll lead you 

If you have no one just call me

If you don't mind just remember my name 

I'll stay beside you or behind you as someone who will support you 

~DIVINE✨

Just share it with your loved ones and wait for them to notice you 😉.

Phlegethon - stream of fire

 Isn't it beautiful to give birth to a life from the inside of life ,

 The miraculous thought which become a reality.

 

THE STORY STARTED WHEN SHE WAS BORN...

The little weakling  with wobbly legs 

Crawling on the floor like a bug 

Discarded like the garbage  at other's disposal.

She fell from the heaven with a black cloak on,

 She, who doesn't shines brightly but was dazzling in the dark .

Fighting for survival where weaks are nowhere to be found.

She was surrounded with fire but not even a a single strand of her hair burned 

Powerful yet mysterious,

Strange but overwhelming ,

Flames decorating hairs like jewels ,

Beautiful to unreality ,

Not like the one burned in my mind stayed in my mouth .

She never liked death, blood and whatnot but similarly did not fear them .

EVEN WHEN THE DRAGONS BOWED TO HER SHE FELL FOR THE PERSON WITH SHAKY HEART...

The world has kissed her soul with pain ,

A long unplayed song left to be tuned 

Asking for its return through backdoor .

The heart was too small to carry all other stones ,

She kept  him dear to her even it means choosing abyss  instead of run .

Pierced with swords from her love 

The walk she had did not lasted long ,

Every single drop of her blood brought the disaster .

REGRET.. .

Deep down the sea you'll find many things 

However ,the urge to find her was incomparable .

They drugged her but she wasn't fuzzy at all, 

however made her more sober...

The long awaited journey ended for her 

Died at the hands of the person she loved the most .

When the regret call upon his name he was too late .

He held the cold icey body in his arms,

And just watched her death.

HE CAME TOO LATE TO HIS SENSES AND WATCHED HER BELOVED DIED . 

~DIVINE✨

At 40 and DIVORCED

 Looking out of the window made me realised ,

I was locked up in the jail where only  alive bodies  reside .

Even the sleep was not meant for me. Open eyes playing hide and seek with dark nights .

The home for two where only a bed ,just the daily same routine of me lying naked with him left, he was there with no warmth  .

We ate together but only i was talking and  when silence broke it echoed like it is  screaming in my head .

We were more like ones who shares the bed not the ones with whome i dreamt of spending my life ahead . In short we became sex partners from life partner , where he did payed me the service charges in name of his  salary well...

The cycle was long ,then i decided it to end ,at 40 and DIVORCED was the new tag the society labelled me as .

Even the break up doesn't felt that filmy to me , i got busy and a bit messy .

No long nights with friends ,eyes swollen and no regrets were there ,i did not drown myself with drinks straight for days , no sad songs  and no dramatic calls to my  ex . I just sold my wedding dress, to get those  damm bucks back .

Those judging remarks from society felt pleasing to me , the crowd where I once felt lost with his arm around my waist was more friendlier then anyone .

The words i was dying to listen from him ,did came out his mouth but that too much late . I thought of this day  many times that how will I react will i be crying or telling him to repent . When the time actually came i did not felt anything as if  those were some random words said out of convenience.

I waited for him to bloom my garden with happiness,now I plant my own . 

I am divorced at 40 and planning for my life ahead.

*******************************************

Jennifer Weiner~

Divorce isn't such a tragedy. A tragedy's staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. 

Nobody ever died of divorce.

*******************************************

 

~divine ✨

Farewell

 ------------------------------------------  

उस सड़क की ओर फिर जाना हुआ था हाथ मे बस्ता तो नही उसका एहसाह फिरभी हुआ था ,

देखा जब उस खिड़की की तरफ, तो सब मुस्कुराते से याद आए थे,

वो बीते पूराने मस्ती भरे दिन फिर आंखो की चौखट पर आए थे ।

क्लास का वो बेंच जहां कंपस से बहुत सी यादें गड़ी गई थी,

वो सफेद दीवार जहां रंगो से छाप छोड़ी गई थी ,

क्लास मे छुप छुप कर टिफिन खाना तो आचार की खुशबू से पकड़े जाना ,

टेस्ट मे पास होने के लिए फर्रे लेजाना ,

यह पल अब न मिलेंगे दुबारा  ।

स्कूल मे बैठे बैठे छुट्टी होने का इंतज़ार वो CT पीरियड का एन्ड और बैक फुल पैक ,

टीचर के न आने पर धमाल करना , 

वो कॉरिडोर की लड़ाई ,

वोह टीचर की ठुकाई ,

उनके नए नए नाम रखना ,

मुश्किल आने पर गैंग की धमकी और दोस्त को कॉल करना,

वो क्लास बंक कर स्कूल मे घूमना ,

अब कहां आयेंगे यह दिन ।

आज break up रोना, 

तो मार्कशीट पर वही मार्क्स सिर्फ 16।

स्पोर्ट्स के पीरियड पर सब्जेक्ट टीचर का कब्जा होजाना,

वो क्लासरूम से वोशरूम का सफर बड़ा बन जाना ।

इन खट्टे मीठे पलो को याद कर आंखो मे पानी आया हे।

छोटू, मोटू ,कालू यह नाम अब दिल मे ही रह जाएंगे ,

वो पल जो यारो के साथ बिताए थे ,

अब दिल की संदूकों मे कैद होजाएंगे ।

उधर अब दुबारा वापिस जाना नही होगा,

जिस कॉरिडोर मे बातों की खिचड़ी बनती थी और गपशप का तड़का लगता था ,

 रिसेस मे वो फर्स्ट फ्लोर की सीढ़ी  अब हमारी नही होगी,

जिसे शान से अपना अड्डा कहा करते थे ,

वोह अब किसी और का ठिकाना होगा ।

वो स्कूल की लड़ाई 

 जो कभी इतनी बड़ी लगती थी ,

 अब हमारी बचकानी याद बन गई ।

देखते ही देखते न जाने कब बड़े होने लग गए 

वोह A+ से लेकर  C ग्रेड,

नजाने कबसे हमारा फ्यूचर डिसाइड करने लग गए ।

वोह रिपोर्ट कार्ड जो कभी ग्रीन, सिल्वर ,येलो, ब्लू स्टार्स से भरी होती थी ,

वोह अब मेरे सपनो का एक दरवाजा बन गए ।

 आज से 10 साल बाद "तू" से तुम "आप" होजाओगे ,

कहां साथ मे पड़ा करते थे तब अनजान होजाओगे।

 

यह मुलायम हाथ जो  blackboard पर लिखा करती थी

उनके मुरझाने का समय होजाएगा ,

हम बड़े तो होंगे मगर यह आशियाना वैसे का वैसा ही रह जाएगा ।

यह नजाने क्या वक्त आया  है,

हमारे जाने की  खबर लाया है,

इसको नए सफर की शुरुआत मानू या ,

एक अनोखे सपने का अंत,

इसका जवाब अभी भी नही आया है।

इन यादों को सौगात मे देने के लिए शुक्रिया ।

अलविदा साथियों जाने का लम्हा आया  है,

अलविदा साथियों अलविदा।।।