Hardcore

 It's very hard trying to live my life 

Everytime I move on I went even deep inside

The loneliness surounded me no one was there,

To keep me company .

I was hungry tho food was there 

I was frustrated tho no one bothered me 

I was crying tho no one hit me 

I was sorrunded by all the emotions I never felt.

I felt guilty tho any of these things happening to me wasn't my fault .

All the negativity became my friends 

Positive vibes were no less then hell .

That was late when I realized 

I kept the door closed of my happiness 

By neglecting all the good things from my bad time around .

But I still stand the chance to change who I became then ,

Balance is what added flavour to my life 

Co-operations with my family , were tangy and sour  kept me awake for the nights ,

I had dark circles but was not exhausted at all.

Kindness and help from my peers  serve as the sweet dish to my appetite .

When I thought back of the time now ,

It wasn't easy to overcome still thanks to everyone , who helped me in those toughest hours of my journey.

All the dearies ,choices can be complex many times but you have to think wisely everytime. 

Help yourself first ,stand up !

only then you will find the bright light of this universe .

Plz share your comments , it's pleasure to see a active participation. Suggestions are always welcome.😁😁😁♥️♥️

So till next blog ... Peace out ♥️♥️

Deflowered (part-2)

 Hello everyone hope you all are doing fine and leading a happy life .  

In India ,

*India recorded an average of 87 rapecases daily in 2019 and overall 4,05,861 cases of crime against women during the year, a rise of over 7% from 2018, the latest government data released on September 29, 2020.

*One rape was reported every 16 minutes in Indiain 2019.

Not only girls even boys are counted too. This is what the census is like and these are all about registered cases ,still  so many unregistered cases are there,Jo  samaaj k darr se ,bejjati k darr Kabhi file hi nhi hote . 

These are all facts, we can't change.

In our previous post we all got to know about Ayisha , her life, her journey ,her struggle and her sorrowful past.

And this story is about the same only. Brief jist : Ayisha a teen ,who got pregnant after getting bruttaly raped and decided to keep her baby  . I have told you about her decision but not about the struggle she faced .

In Indian society after ,sexually assault ,according to them ,Zindagi vhi Ruk jaati h and by any chance, she got pregnant that means a Hell. And for god sake if she decides to keep the baby like Ayisha ,means bichare zinda toh honge lekin pal pal maut k ghaat utaare jaayenge(commo

n thinking) , har second izzat ki dhajjiyaan udaayi jaayegi ,Ganda khoon , slut , and many things . Ayisha faced the same thing when she decided to keep the baby kya Kuch nhi Kaha Hoga  logon ne but she choose to block all those comments and to move on with what she decided. 

As one of my friend said 

"Indian society and I don't think it  was possible to her to be a mother as such a young age she wasn't physically , financially , emotionally  and mentally ready for this. It is easier said than done  as giving birth to a child and raising a child are two different things . And she was ready to abort the child untill she knew that she can't conceive again so she could adopt a child when she was ready for being a mother financially and mentally . I won't support  giving such a life to a child  Which is worse than hell because he won't be able to live peacefully as he will not get his rights will be discriminated and will have to fight for each and every single thing  and it's no benifit in living like that ." - Anusha .

This is what girls like Ayisha fear ,ki they won't be able to live peacefully ,will be discriminated and have to fight continuously. I won't deny these things as we all know it's the bitter truth of  society.(rest read further also)

Another thing now which is totally different ,so sorry but my intentions are not to harm anyone ,

so another point of view ,

"Hi Don'take me wrong but I feel the view presented here is quite heroic and not practical. It's ok if it's a film or serial, to show a happy ending. But in real life your story actually starts from here. I feel it's rarely that people take this decision until and unless they can't abort the child due to medical reasons. 

Also, the motive of the person doing wrong was to hurt you and ruin your life. And you have done it yourself now. Having a child at such a young age and that too being a single mother is not a piece of cake.

Can't even imagine what she has to go through in INDIAN SOCIETY and of course her career is also totally ruined. It might be looking generous and  motherly keeping the child, but when you think deeply, you realise the moment the child comes in this world, he will have to fight with every force tagging and disgracing him and his mom. 

So, simply it won't be a good childhood to go through. Don't kill the child, but give a life to him that is worse than hell. And ruin your life to the greatest possible extent,  when it could all have been ok with moving on.This is what this solution represents. Yes, I agree it's not that easy as it seems, but difficult way will give you a fruitful life and the emotionally chosen one will be giving a harsh and humiliating one. If you are mentally strong enough, go for keeping the child, but if you have even slightest of the doubt, abort it. This is the solution according to me."- ARSHDEEP

Now would like to share my thoughts, my point of view here , first it's not like a tv'c it's not  for sure like ki It's only possible in Hindi drama ,then I must say ki it's just a "veham" these things can exist, can happen too and it's not like ki everytime if a girl got raped then conceived ,took the decision to raise the child ,only have a dead end or bad ending why we think like that ?why? If we say ki nothing is impossible then why it is not possible ? It's not completely compulsory ki she will only meet disgusting people who will taunt her on the basis for her ,she will also meet those people who will support her stand  up for her and those people will make impossible " I AM POSSIBLE".  Just because I didn't mention what she suffered doesn't mean ki idk what she would have gone thru.       

I know it's not a piece of cake but she decided that so she already have thought about ki what it will be like in future . When  These things happen ,koi aisa decision leta h toh hum pahele hi yeh sochana shuru KR dete h ki she must have gone insane ,took the decision emotionally, not practical enough ,but yeh bhul jaate h ki she might have thought it through beforehand ,why can't we keep this in our hypothesis too ,pahele SE yhi bolna ki it's wrong without asking about their POV is wrong .

 And I strongly disapproves ki after giving birth her career will be ruined ,how?  In ancient times women used to conceive in their teens only and still they were able to have a good life and good career too, there are so many single mothers around us who got pregnant at young age conceive and now are successful . It's all in our mind that's it ,just a myth nothing else.  Hum yeh Bolte h "aurat chahe toh kya Kuch nhi KR Sakti "so apply bhi krna chahiye . Zindagi Ruk nhi jaati h voh chalti rehati h lekin thammte hamare kadam h .   About the baby ,having a life worse then hell I must say one thing ki kya garauntee h if she have another child after getting married will be respected, won't be disgraced, if that is the truth then this is also the truth ki even that child have to suffer and will you all be able to say ki his life is worse then hell , no kyunki that is the kid after marriage that's it ,he would have a surname, a father's name bas ,toh Hume lagega he won't suffer( beautiful lie ).

I mean career ruined ? it's up to her ab USS incident k baad voh apni life rok toh nhi Sakti she has to be strong for the worse if she has a chance to survive that , kitni ladkiya Marr jaati h, Kuch ho jaata h lekin those who have chance then why not survive. Even if she abort kya chance h ki society Bolna chodddegi Kuch kahegi nhi voh tab bhi bolegi Yaar toh USS ko maarke sunne SE Acha h just give him life, raise him ,taught him well and live with proud.

I won't say Ayisha ek emotional ladki thi jazbaaton mey faisla liya krti thi no it's not true , she is the most powerful women . Not just because of her motherly love she kept the baby, if she wants to live then the child also have the right to do the same .   for me she has the guts to go against the society , GUTSY you know and DARING .

 I agree his childhood won't be easy but Yaar how could you say life like hell or more  and u ruin Ur life too an extent too, it's up to her parenting voh ussey Kitna strong banayegi Kaisi parenting degi or, uski life bhi ruined how, there so many single mothers In Our society or unke bhi young age mey Bache hote h but hopeless ni Hoti voh. (I know repeating the same thing ,gaur farmaiye ISS par)

Agar hamara point of view welcoming nhi Hoga toh Yaar aisi kitni Ayisha hongi aage Jo darr k rahengi firse .We have to be strong,Strong enough to raise the kid like total gentle men and showing the whole world ki yes I did it it's possible.

I didn't intend to hurt your feelings or views Intentionally , it's just ki what you guys are talking about is Jo hua h or hota Aaya h but what I want your main concern to bring out the "CHANGE" now.

Hume supportive Hona padega taaki jab hum society Ka part honge then girls like Ayisha doesn't have to feel humiliated have to suffer about this decision of them . Many girls those who wants to keep the baby decided to abort just because the fear of society . I merely want a change in your thought to have a welcoming , supportive and positive approach to this decision also ,I mean you all have that kind of thing too but Kahi na Kahi oppress hojaati h,so if they want to keep the child they don't have to fear the society. Change in mindset can change the future of so many Ayishas also .

This decision is harsh and hard just because society kya bolegi if we try ki yeh decision inke liye hard hi na hone do toh (those who wants ) hn, if we try to just "CHANGE"then . We have to change so that our chotu SA change can make a bigger difference.

Just like how we say ki "teach your boys to behave well then teaching girls to be submissive" same yhi logic h ,Jo cheez log seedha seedha nhi samjh rhe unhe aise samjhana Hoga. kyunki when we grow up tab humse society banegi we will be the part of the society ,agar hum yhi cheez "normal"mey nhi laa paayenge toh what's the point in being the so called responsible citizen ,educated and naari Shakti k maare lagane Ka .

If change in present is not possible then make it for the future this is just like THE WAR FOR TOMORROW AND OF TOMORROW. 

 What we have to focus is on CHANGE nothing else .

***

Some beautiful solutions given by Anusha and Sarika :

ANUSHA

Because I am  against keeping the child with her as it will destroy the life of both of them . Atleast giving the child away would give the child a better life because clearly she couldn't abort the child  .

I know this solution is not Ideal and would be very tough for her

But this id is the best I could think of as it's better for both of them 

She will be satisfied that her child is alive and the child will be able to live a normal life.

: I also feel the government should think something about these children and should take the responsibility of such children . I mean should make some rules and arrangement so that such children can lead a normal life as it's not there fault and everybody has a right to live peacefully .

SARIKA:

: And i believe that girls nowadays should know self defence and escaping techniques because we dnt knw wht happnes next with whom and in this case as well ayesha if was able to escape a bit earlier then maybe situation would be not that much worst but it is actually easy to say things like this 

Because when some girls like ayesha are in this kind of sitaution they are not able to think.with presence of mind

***

At last I will say ki don't feel offended and hurt just thoda sa iss par gaur krna vakt dena ,plz plz plz m saying again don't feel offended m really sorry ,if you all do feel that way .

#ChangeTheSociety #WeAreTheSociety.

Thank you .😁😁have a nice day 

Comment box is open for all of you ,plz share your thoughts and views and as I have said earlier in my post , all the comments I have till now will be posted soon .

Take care everybody.😁

Deflowered (part-01)

 [02-april-2017,

Knock knock ,

Anyone here ? hello myself Ayisha ,what's up guys ?😁😁 So today is my first day at school I mean  it's my new school , freaking excited 😉😉😎😎, oops! forgot to tell you am in 12 standard yea yea Mera last year h or school change don't ask me the reason kyu Kiya bas kr liya . Idk wether I will be able to adjust or not ,man! who cares let it be for now ,me gotta enjoy to the fullest aakhir apni koi repo vagera bhi banani h Yaar school mey . Gtg😁😁

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Yoi ,m back Huh!!! my first day was tiring miss Pushpa my maths teacher she irritates the hell out of me bas Baar Baar mujhse SE hi har question Pooche jaari thi hadd h ,hn ni toh or haaye hamare Eng k sir he is so handsome 😗😗 whatever don't misunderstand okay ,baaki classmates are awesome, friendly h or baaki , Harsh ,a guy in my class he is so nerd types kya hi bataun ,everytime playing with phone in the class  , always surrounded by girls and thoda body builder types ,we don't vibe not even a least bit totally opposite . Raviz and Christ they both are nice girls I mean we share a great bond ig😶 ,just like we were meant to be friends ,destined bosom friends . 

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 A whole month passed ,now gotten  used to my new school ,made friends , everything seems normal . Ab toh summer vacations aari h.😌😌.

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After 1 whole year ...

Hii guys meet my sweety Anu my child my baby Anirudh,he is only a  month year old . He is surprisingly cute and too small . Have to carry him very carefully   he is so soft and fragile ki if i hold him thoda sa tight   he might break one or few of his limbs 😆😆how cute .

You all guys must be surprised ki Mai kya bol rhi hu voh bhi poore 1 Saal baad ,don't think m mad I really got a child . This whole year was  hell for me I suffered ,I tried to run away ,I cried , got panic attacks ,depression  and many things . You all must be curious ki why ?? Why?? And why ?? 

M going to share my painful past now here with you all ,

it was june my summer break was going on I was happy doing my holiday homework ,parties with friends and all that was quite a fun time for me but one day ,on 18 June my life changed , Jo hua ,that was the turning point . It was 6 pm In the park , was jogging or at 7 on my way back home  ... got kidnapped ...mujhe nhi pata tha ki where I was what's going on with me I was drugged at that time and there was a man ...bruttaly assaulted me I wasn't even in my senses to ask out for help  , my whole body was numb ,lying there helplessly . After whole night passed ,I managed escape somehow, only ik ki how I managed to do so at that time,that was totally horrible for me .

When I came back at my home in a total messed up state , parents questioned kya hua ,what happened ,bolo Kuch ,but aisa tha ki aavaaz hi ni Nikal rhi thi everything was blank ,not able to understand what they were saying wasn't able to accept ki Jo hua voh real tha  ,after a whole half an hour  I blurted out everything that took me a lot of courage , my family was not able to digest this fact ,I lost control over my conciousness felt dizzy and dheere dheere Andhera SA hone laga and suddenly total black out ,my parents launched the complaint I was admitted to the nearby hospital . 2 weeks passed i was still in the coma then ,mujhe Sab sunaayi dera tha I was able to hear my parents cry ,begging me to woke up but Mai toh uthna hi ni chahti thi bas bhula dena chahti thi Jo hua , after sometime I decided to face the reality and then my body started showing response Sab mujhme improvement dekhkar Khush the but dukhi bhi the mere future k baaremey sochke yeh sochke k unki beti k Saath yeh kya ho gya . 

Month passed away ,started feeling better Sab Kuch normal hone laga tha Mai voh sab bhulaane lagi thi  ,thanks to Dr. Pallavi my counsellor she encouraged me motivated me helped me a lot during the hardest stage of my life .

School got started ,everything get back to normal on surface for me ,firbhi ek darr Beth gya tha Mann mey , parents took extra care of me mujhe Akela na chodna akele na jaane dena everything. Only Raviz and Christ knows ki kya hua tha merese and few teachers that's it ,it was fine for me . 

Then suddenly I got Dizzy and fell from the chair ,at first nothing happened then after that I got Nauseous ,  vomiting and started feeling weak. Parents took me  to clinic and pata Chala I was 1month 4weeks pregnant. Another huge blow on me .

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Huh... lost my state of mind at first don't want to accept locked up myself in my room for days ,counselling ,  depression anxiety or got myself so stressed thinking about the thing inside my body . Yeh baat accept krne mey mujhe aadha mahina lagg gya . I was in the rehab centre at that time. So after 2 months my parents and I approved for the abortion went to gaynecologist but got another hit ki due to my weak body I won't be able to conceive next time  if we abort now . I believed ki my body sucks for sure .why is it all happening to me only why ? Questioned myself doubted myself and blamed the divinity at then end .

Maine bht socha iss baaremey ki Jo Mai KR rhi hu voh fair Hoga Uske liye who isn't even born yet , do I really need to kill this child . After that I made up my mind and decided to keep the child ,hn my parents were against my decision got myself in fight with them but ladkar datkar Sab Kuch krke they finally agreed they don't have the option either .

Don't think ki Maine abort isliye nhi Kiya cuz there won't be any next time but shaayad due to my instinct . Hardest desicion ever sabne Kaha pagal ho gyi h, it's wrong your future will be destroyed ,bht Sunna padega ,akele itni choti Umar, how will you manage but I didn't care ,darr mujhe bhi lag Raha tha ki kya Hoga ,kaise Hoga ,Sahi Hoga ya nhi . Par I decided to face that I decided to keep the baby for the sake of his future I don't want to regret ki Maine kisise uski life mey aane Ka right hi le liya aakhir the child was totally innocent he was not at fault . 

Jo good news sabko life mey Naya feel Naya experience laati h that news made me confuse, wether I be happy or not ,do I have the right to do so what does maternal feeling feel like , I will be a mom so will I have those instincts ,that other mothers have . Butterflies in stomach want to be happy ,but at the same time thinking should I be or not these mixed feelings ufff.

It is said "EVERY CLOUD HAS SILVER LINNING " this line inspired me and I opened my arms to welcome my child  to live a new life , to start over again, to give another kick in my life . I was well aware with the fact ki  with baby responsibilities will be there ,I was already prepared for all that .

I still gave my boards exams ( open schooling ) got my certificate ,gave birth to my child , now m raising him and doing my college from open . That was a harsh descion still I don't regret . ]

THE END 

So guys how are you all hope you all are doing fine . Met after a long time . ☺️☺️

So don't get confused ki yeh kya tha ,

Yeh thi Ayisha ki kahani , short story basically. It's harsh terrible ,scary and quite pitful story, I won't say pitful I will say a very inspiring story . This took me a lot of courage as it's a very controversial topic people have different opinions so slightly scared . There are many parts with less explainations as I wasn't able to write them I felt sorry for that. Do forgive me for that  .

 I wasn't able to elaborate few emotions properly sorry for that also , don't mind plz😕😞. As some emotions needs a special touch hope ki to some extent there is that special feel. Hope you all liked the story and get to know about another perspective.

QUESTION TIME🤓🤓

I want to ask everyone if you were Ayisha aap sabka kya decision hota ? What would have been your choice ? Was her descion correct or not and why ? 

Now the platform is yours , share your thoughts or suggestions  in comment section.

Looking forward for the answers of the questions I asked . people have different point of view so i request don't feel offended by anything . Just share your views and I will make sure to add those of your comments in my next blog as I will be sharing my point of view also next time .

Hope to see you soon take care and think deeply or wisely. And make sure to get vaccination on time .

Gone

 Hello friends ,hope you all are fine and happy if not then can  you please  try to smile just for once .

I m going to discuss something very emotional or even a topic we all used to avoid even I myself ,but still I mustured up my courage today to express what I feel or what oh god it's hard to express even ... Ohk so it's about the end ,about life about death ...

Hope you all will neglect my small mistakes as emotions can make people think those things which doesn't even exist .

I still remember that day when heard the news that ,she is no more that night ,she was wrapped in all plain stainless white cloth we all were hoping for her to wake up but still that was just a hope for nothing ,the night was long I can't fell asleep I want to spend each and every second with her  . My eyes were searching for her movements ,ears logged for her speech and my Senses for her touch . There was a deadly silence at that time, nobody spoke tho it felt like we still can hear those words of silence . Not even an inch was visible of her body , not even a single strand of her white hairs . She was lying in front of us for hours but still we were not able to wake her up .  My heart was restless as I wasn't able to believe that she is gone untill when people spl the males of family prepared a wooden sage for her they kept her on that sage and started saying "raam naam Satya h" I still remember those words . They did haunt me for many nights and days . She was gone ,she was on a pathway which leads to another life ,another journey . I thought I was so useless ki I can't bring her back to life .( Dumb of me )

I cried for hours non stop ,why she was gone like that ?why? I questioned to god ,questioned to myself this is what we call fate what we call destiny . Nobody stopped me from crying nobody encourages it either .

Days passed I still missed her , after 2 months everything seems normal again as if she never existed in our life.  I was like is it okay to lead our life normal again ,she won't feel like we didn't missed her ,those days felt like I was a criminal who committed a unforgivable crime  . 

After 5-6 months everything goes back to what it was before , people got busy with their jobs , children with there online classes. Something was off i guess I told myself that it's been long since I heard her voice I started forgetting how her voice sounds like that was quite depressing for me but more like a sin . Her room was empty whenever I passed through that room I still wish to find her lying there on her bad . Her smell vanishes away ,I forgot her voice and started urging for her it ,for her face ,her touch ,her food many things .

Those useless hopes gave my thoughts wings and later on i realised that yes she is gone ,gone to a new journey she won't be back just shrug off these thoughts but kya Karu pagal Hu kahin na khain umeed Mari ni thi meri  then later on aakhir maan hi liya kab tak khudse jhuth Bolti.

It's been a year she is gone I m completely fine now , everything went back to normal I found a new way to remember her voice (vedios of course ) ab unhe Yaad krke aankho mey aasun toh Aate h par voh jhuthi umeed nhi .

Isn't it very strange ki yeh jaante hue bhi Jo gya h voh vaapis nhi aayega we still live in our own world build up jhuthi umeedein which hurts after some time . Person with whom we spent our most of the life when he or she is gone we get back to our life as if nothing happened  ,I guess this is what we call life .  Behate samudra ki Tarah chalti rehati h rukti nhi jitni bhi rukaavate Aaye apni gati banaye rakhti h.

People should accept these kind of facts on earlier basis so you won't get hurt by your  0 hopes later on ... 

We all have gone through this stage of life , very painful  for the relatives, for the family members ,friends etc . While we were mourning for them they choose to hit a  new beginning  . So we all should just wave our hands say goodbye and  let them go although we don't want to still we have to so that they have great after life .

   A thousands words won't bring you back

I know because I have tried 

   Neither will a thousands tears 

I know because I have cried 

By - Kily Dunbar

Beautiful words ... whenever you feel you don't want to believe thet fact then just recall  these words.😊😊

Hope you all can relate, can place yourself in my shoe  ,able to read it as it's your story and hope you find this blog connecting or good .

Plz share ,read and follow humble request from my side ...

Thank you!

ONLY FOR YOU

 Hello guys here we meet again ,after long time hn... So how are you all ,enjoy festive season or  hope you all are doing good these days .

This piece of work I m going to dedicate to you yes it is for you the one reading this, hope at some point you will be able to relate if not then I am really sorry in advance ,hope you will respect that😊😊😊.

I think you might be feeling wronged sometimes ,alone or even helpless  for whatever reason I don't know but would like to know if you want to share 😊😊we can share the burden of yours if  don't want to share with me then share with someone close to you , it will never harm you my dear .  Just don't interpret ki if you share then your feelings might became the burden on the person whom you shared your feelings with ,it's never too late Yaar Dil kholkar ko Dekho . Don't always think so insecure that you will eventually forget his or her real intention or end up hurting them.

 My fellow mate it's of no use if you are gonna keep that baggage full of your past on your shoulders ,you can't change anything can you ... No  it's all in your mind that's it. How will you focus on your present if your eyes are still finding flaws in your future and past ,let go MERI Jaan let it go there is no point in repenting no point .

Not every person beside you is bad just try to face your issues more rather than just running away.  It's okay if you don't know how to solve it, what to do next,where to go ?,whom to ask ?,whom to trust , and many more ,leave all these questions on time ,time is the best teacher . Let go each and those thoughts that makes you believe you are worst then yesterday ,let go all those questions jinke jaavab tum dhundh na paao , Let go all those problems jinke solutions mil na paaye . Always believe someone is always there praying for your success hoping that you will be fine don't disappoint them ,fight Yaar you can win in any situation .

Life is not a game it's just a time given by god to live to fullest , to achieve your happiness , it's not like ki bas bure log h good people are also there . 

Don't keep everything in your heart sweetheart let it all out from your heart ,as small as your fist ,Kitna sambhalega bichara reham kardo , just open up speak up about what you are facing no one will laugh no one will sympathise with you they will support you ,help you grow your foundation more stronger .

Just cry out , cry if you want but don't cry for the same reason again . Or in few case there is nobody to listen you ,believe you in that situation don't forget god is always there for you , just say whatever you want to ,to god he will listen to you silently and hn it's my own experience ki that feels much good so you can try guys hope the method will help you out .😁😁😁

YOU ARE THE KING 

YOU ARE THE SUFFERER

JUST DONT FORGET 

YOU ARE BORN TO SHINE 

NOT TO WEEP ON YOUR SINS ...

Thank you 

suggestions are most welcome and happy new year guys hope this year brings joy and ray of hope in your life ☺️☺️☺️😊😊😊.

Don't forget to comment and read .